I had never expected to become a filmmaker. It is one of those things totally outside of even my most secret ambitions, of course I admire the people that make professional films, but strangely, recently, I believe I have earned the right to describe myself as a filmmaker.
The films I have made have in all honesty been home-made short films, just over 10 minutes in duration. and although I learned about filmmaking partly through employing professional filmmakers in my role as the Director of an Arts Trust, and made films with members of the local community as a means of developing skills in that community, what I have learned is what can be learned by any one these days, certainly anyone with a Macintosh computer that comes bundled with a film-editing piece of software that is remarkably easy to use.
And of course good quality digital film cameras have become much more affordable over the past few years.
In technical terms, what can be filmed and edited at home these days is of near-broadcast quality, and in fact many Directors employ the use of smaller handheld cameras when they want to give a sense of reality to a moment in film.
Strangely enough my first film made entirely on my own initiative was made very shortly after I had stopped work completely because of disability.
It came about almost accidentally because I had the opportunity to have a week of respite, staying in a care home in Ipswich, and I took with me my Macintosh laptop and my JVC DV camera.
It so happened that the grounds of the home in which I was a resident for a week were most beautiful, and the house itself had been originally built as a Chantry Chapel in the 16th century, and later developed as a country home.
It was said to have had plasterwork created in the 18th century by a famous architect of that period, and it certainly was most beautiful in places.
The grounds had been beautifully laid out as a formal garden, and this was surrounded by acres of what had become civic parkland when the estate came into the ownership of the local borough council in about 1945.
My stay in 2004 coincided with a scheme to make the gardens for the first time accessible to the residents, because the pathways had always been gravel pathways, and of course gravel is not terribly friendly to wheelchair users.
It so happened that a banker from the City of London had had an accident that involved a spinal injury, and the last years of that banker were spent in at this home, and as a legacy thanking the home for the quality of the care that she had received in those final years before sadly dying, the pathways were given the funding to be able to be laid with Tarmac. To this point, the gardens had been visible from important common areas in the home, but they had not been easily accessible by wheelchair.
It so happened that my not for profit film project had discovered the importance of a wheelchair as part of the equipping of our studio.
There is nothing better than to push someone holding a handheld camera in a wheelchair to get an inexpensive long tracking shot, if one cannot afford the cost of a professional steady-cam. Which is about £30,000.
And so it transpired that I arranged to have a push by a carer around the grounds of this newly accessible set of pathways, only completed weeks before my stay, and I took with me my digital video camera.
In this phase I took 20 minutes filming, from which I edited 10 minutes of usable material, to which I added just a couple of minutes of additional footage shot within the house itself.
Once again, with the help of creative software that comes bundled with a Macintosh computer, I composed a soundtrack for my short film, and wrote a couple of poems during my stay one of which was directly inspired by the history of the estate, and by my discovery in my filmmaking trip of a small cluster of gravestones, where family pets had been buried at the turn of the 20th century.
In the end what I created became an homage to the quality of the care that I received in my week's stay, and although I was careful to ensure that the dignity of residents was retained, so that no one was filmed in person, the film made it evident what the purpose of this fabulous building was used for.
This was back in 2004, and earlier this year, in February 2012, this film was selected for exhibition at the International Festival of Disability Film held annually in Calgary, Canada.
One thing leads to another, and at that Festival were two of the organizers of the Moscow International Festival of Disability Film, and they saw my film and were interested in incorporating it into their Festival, which was held just last week in Moscow.
Unfortunately, they have a rule that films must have been made after 2007, and so this film was not eligible.
Fortunately, in about 2009, I had been commissioned to make a short film by my County Council in West Sussex, because word of my creative tendencies had reached some of the senior social workers within the authority.
And so I had been given a small grant to enable me to employ a cameraman, and to cover the costs of tapes and so forth, and out of that project came A Short Film About Independence.
This film has been used extensively for the training of social workers within the County and also further afield, so that for example I have travelled several times to Camden in London where social workers have been wanting to find out more about the way in which I have benefited from Self-Directed Support, whereby I am able to employ my own carers directly because my care budget is paid directly to me.
This film was acceptable to the Moscow organizers, and it was shown last week in Moscow.
When I first made the film, I had imagined that I would make a trilogy of films, what I have latterly, to call my Triptych, the first being the one described, the second a short film about interdependence, and the third a short film about dependence.
Hopefully the titles speak for themselves, so that in a progressive condition like multiple sclerosis it is perhaps inevitable that dependence might supersede independence.
However, just this week I received something from the multiple sclerosis Society that might encourage me to make an additional film, entitled a short film about hope.
At present, although I technically am diagnosed with secondary progressive multiple sclerosis, my condition remains fairly stable.
But these new drug trials holds out the hope of a new treatment that will stop the progression and deterioration that can be an ever present part of this chronic condition.
Like any hope in the context of a currently incurable condition, it must be treated with a degree of caution, and it may well be 10 years before trials of this drug satisfy appropriate medical authorities as to its efficacy.
The positive element in all of this is that the two drugs in question are both already approved from a safety point of view, in that they are already in use for patients with high blood pressure.
Anyway, it is quite interesting for me to feel that there is hope that my condition might continue to be stable, in which case the critical thing for me is to maintain a sense of perspective that is I believe already the reason why my short film about independence has been of interest.
Because I feel a strong sense of commitment to not only providing an insight into my dealing with this disabling condition, but perhaps at the same time providing some sense of insight into attitudes which perfectly healthy people may well find helpful in dealing with the pressures of daily life in the modern world.
I suppose put simply, I still have the power of speech, and as a consequence, new technology enables me to be able to continue to write. And potentially with the aid of a cameraman, to be able to write a film script that I can create a spoken sound track to, and edit.
Long may this continue. Who knows where it may lead me, and I suppose I must be grateful for the fact that in Britain today, we have the benefit of the kind of support for people in my situation so that I am able to have carers that enable me to remain positive and well cared for, and of course to quote my first film, I do have the consequential benefit of time. That most valuable of commodities.
My time is pretty much my own to decide how I should spend it, rather than chasing my tail to keep up my expensive mortgage. Because it would certainly be more expensive if I were to be part of the rat race.
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